Saturday, October 20, 2007

Who's the idiot who said uni life is slacker than A'level or O'level periods.


Haven't been updating much about life. Because life in general, is just mad. I think so far for every week there is at least 1 presentation. And everyday seems like it's Alevels. I don't think the A's is as stressful as this either. I seriously can't wait for the holidays even if it is just a month. Maybe I overestimated myself. I shouldn't be joining 2 CCAs - and one I'm not even that interested in?

And so many things have happened just in the past.. 9 weeks?

A rollercoaster ride. That's my life in the past 2 months. Drama? Maybe. Unexpected? Crazy? Definitely. I'm a peace-loving person. I cannot take too much in such a short period of time haha. I need to regain my sanity.....

I used to be someone who can trust people easily but now? I feel like I've changed. It's sad, but I guess that's life. I've been sheltered for far too long. No wonder in PLMGS our school song mentioned 'oh when we leave these sheltering walls we go with fearlessness'. How true.. just that the fearlessness part was only momentary for me, heh.

Oh and during Thursday's TWC presentation on Nanotechnology - Prof said to the class I was the best speaker of the group surprise surprise of the century. But its all thanks to God because seriously without Him I could never have survived past weeks of presentations, quizzes and projects. I've been deliberating again and again to myself if I've made the right choice to enter into this school and course.... and I finally realized that I've been put here for a reason, and I won't give up until I find out what it is... Maybe I've found it, maybe I've not. But no matter what, I'll put my trust in Him and let Him lead me all the way through. I trust He'll bring me through and it'll be very dumb if I give up just like that.

But I know, I won't make STUPID decisions again. Its a promise I make myself, and I'll keep to it. I just need... more strength to go through all this. TWC report, article report, personal journal, LTB mid-term quiz next week... YES I can do it.

/pls ignore the ramblings above.

Labels: life, personal, uni

All it took was a smile.

Wednesday, October 17, 2007

Now that it's all said and done,
I can't believe you were the one
To build me up and tear me down,
Like an old abandoned house.
What you said when you left
Just left me cold and out of breath.
I fell too far, was in way too deep.
Guess I let you get the best of me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

You took a hammer to these walls,
Dragged the memories down the hall,
Packed your bags and walked away.
There was nothing I could say.
And when you slammed the front door shut,
A lot of others opened up,
So did my eyes so I could see
That you never were the best for me.

Well, I never saw it coming.
I should've started running
A long, long time ago.
And I never thought I'd doubt you,
I'm better off without you
More than you, more than you know.
I'm slowly getting closure.
I guess it's really over.
I'm finally getting better.
And now I'm picking up the pieces.
I'm spending all of these years
Putting my heart back together.
'Cause the day I thought I'd never get through,
I got over you.

Labels: personal

All it took was a smile.

Sunday, September 23, 2007

My life's a total mess.

I need to clear things up. Get my priorities right. Make the correct decisions. Don't make silly mistakes.

Like today.

I made the most stupidest decision in my life. And I think I'll regret this for a long long time.

I miss those days before I entered S/MU. Everything's peaceful, everything's going fine, with you.... but now? Uni life's indeed crazy...

Labels: life, personal, uni

All it took was a smile.

Friday, August 17, 2007

feels like i'm suffocating under
unable to breathe
one by one
strong waves come crashing over me
pushing me deeper and deeper in

i don't want to know
ignorance is bliss
i can't seem to stop worrying about tomorrow
i need a kind of release.

i just want things to be same as before
nothing less, nothing more

memories of my past keeps haunting me
will the future be just as lovely?

but i guess life is just...
an irony.

Labels: personal

All it took was a smile.

Thursday, August 02, 2007

I like solitude. Haven't had real solitude in a long time. Actually I reminisce of those times in secondary school and JC when both my parents are working and I come home to an empty, silent but eerily peaceful house. Perhaps I'm one who needs my own space; or am I just too used to being alone? Or maybe I'm just tired of incessant nags. =S

Suddenly I wish I'm back in Westmount library in Montreal immersing myself in a Haruki Murakami book. Beats any library in Singapore really, lol. And I know my brother's still missing Montreal very much (:

Semester has started for NUS! My brother, Lydia and others are now off to school early in the morning... and NTU is starting tomorrow for Sarah... :( I'm going to miss them lots. Sarah my dear injured supposed-to-be skating kaki who stays just a block away from me is going to stay in JURONG (ntu hostel) from Monday onwards! Soooo far. Sigh.... sometimes I wonder if I went to NTU instead would things be very different?

Oh ya did a personality test last night which seems surprisingly accurate. You can take it here. I'm an INFJ, haha. According to google results I'm an Author/Protector/Mystic o.O Sounds so Harry Potter-ish. But after reading so much about INFJs I wonder why I'm studying accountancy really -.-

I've been eating ALOT recently. Really alot. And not exercising. (well except my mouth) Seoul Garden for 3 hours, Carls Junior (with yummy cheesy beefy fries), donuts (my father keeps buying them in dozens -.-)... But surprisingly I'm still the same weight! Why ah? Is it because my muscles have turned to fats? (as fats are lighter than muscles) And irritating BTCLC I know you're reading this. Call me hobbit not enough but Sam the hobbit! Grrr...

Okok I'm being like very random today lol.

Labels: interesting, life, personal, random, uni

All it took was a smile.

Thursday, July 26, 2007

"Why art thou cast down, O my soul? and why art thou disquieted within me? Hope thou in God; for I shall yet praise him, who is the health of my countenance, and my God."

Psalm 42:11 (KJV)

Labels: personal

All it took was a smile.

Wednesday, July 18, 2007

I'm still aching all over. :( But I'm pretty satisfied with life now. Hope time will slow down and let me enjoy every moment of freedom before school starts.. heh. Yes and more time to chillax... a word I learnt during camp: chill + relax = chillax haha and Hoying, stop laughing at me this time I didn't make up this word ok my FTB camp faci did.

So I finally watched the most anticipated Harry Potter on Monday with Lydia - which as usual turned out not as fantastic as we thought it would be - this has been the same situation for the past 2 HP movies I think. I enjoyed the book more than the movie but actually Umbridge in the movie made up for it. Haha - her crazy laughter and sadism was pretty cool; made me cringe but that's the purpose right haha. Then Lydia had to go off for tuition :( and I met Wendy at Bugis where we dinner-ed at Clarity Cafe! (: Nice ambience, good food, nice (but super mini) dessert, affordable too.. Then off we walk to Esplanade - I think it's the BEST place to pour out anything and have a good long chat especially at night. No matter the company we'll always stay there for at least 2 hours o.O lol. Talked about guys and how sweet nothings are NOTHING right Wendy? ;p

Then yesterday was orientation at 8.30am - gosh so freaking early - and it was just some career office talk and then promoting of CCAs. Then played station games which was actually quite fun - enjoyed my group people haha. Thought we were actually quite fast but in the end we were actually the 10th or so group to come back heh. Then after orientation went with Hoying to Bugis Terra to lunch before heading back home with Beard Papa, haha. SO yah, today is going to be a slack day (I want to swim but it looks rainy =/) and tomorrow I'm meeting up with Clarissa, and then Friday with Lydia and Wendy (I hope!). Haha I know the people I hang out with are usually the same few but I LOVE them to bits lurh.

Actually during this whole period of time since camp, I finally realised how difficult good friends and certain people come by - it's all God-willing. In primary and secondary school I found it very easy to find friends who are sincere and whom I know will last a lifetime - namely Clarissa, Lydia, Wendy etc.. (is it because of the Christian culture? hmm) However now I feel it's getting more and more difficult to find true friends. Yes that's the word - true friends. I guess time and situations let some go and some stay - and those whom you find still by your side in the end are the ones true to you. But recently some people whom I know will stay a long time came into my life - Hoying, Sarah, Merv.. and I really appreciate them now that I know how difficult it is find such friends. I don't need a whole group of acquaintances - I'd rather a close knit of true friends whom I can talk rubbish to and get away with it anytime. (:

OH yes I forgot to mention that I'm in the same A/soc group with.... HUIQI! OMGOMG how coincidental can it be. When I saw her name in the list of e-mails when our faci sent us the packing list and indemnity form, I was like yay yay yay I have company now haha. So our dinner is postponed to next Tues at glasshouse Fish&Co (noooo I don't want F&Co sigh) - so Hoying, I don't think we're going to have mass group dinners after all :(

Labels: life, personal, uni

All it took was a smile.

Tuesday, July 10, 2007

Went shopping with Clarissa on Monday and visited the Hokkaido Fair at Tampines Mall, which was freaking crowded man.. tried their melon and green tea icecream which is really yummy heh. Realised quite a number of people I know are going NUS FASS..

Actually I'm pretty nervous for camp this week, urgh. Hope the people there are nice.. oh well the person refused to put me and Hoying into the same group -.- Haha yeah, hope the camp will be fun........

Finally I'm smiling again. Although it was just a few minutes, it was enough to make my day (: Sounds corny but it felt as if the skies are finally clear after a week of rain.

Labels: life, personal, uni

All it took was a smile.

Wednesday, June 27, 2007

Watched Ocean's Thirteen with HOHO ying yesterday after her medical checkup. George Clooney just reeks of charisma, haha. Draggy at first, but great in the middle and the end. Very very smart plot. Anyway Hoying, Serene logic = accurate logic k. Hmph. Anyway saw quite a few nice stuff to buy at Tampines Mall..... heh heh. The lure of GSS.

Today I finally met up with Siti and Tiffany Su as well at J8! Dang - what a place to meet up... reminds me of PL days. Then went to AMK library which was such a dumb idea because we should have gone to the brand new Bishan library instead! Bleah, travel all the way down might as well visit the new library right, haaa. And on the way home I bumped into CGH's HR secretary and had a chat home on the bus.. felt nice and a 'lil nostalgic to see someone from CGH since I left like... 2 months ago? LOL. I wanna go back to work but don't have the time to...

Just viewed SMU/ academic calendar - Hmm well I start school 20 Aug and week break 8 Oct then exams 26 Nov and weeeee holidays 3 Dec - 6 Jan. Short semester huh? But think its going to be PACKED. I'm excited yet very scared for uni to start..

Ok tomorrow I'm going to make use of the new squash racket that I got.... hopefully the lazy bug doesn't get me first, muahah.

If you didn't even bother, why should I? =/

Labels: life, movie, personal, uni, work

All it took was a smile.

Sunday, June 24, 2007

A whole array of emotions hit me today.

Pain, disappointment, helplessness.. then numbness.

Regret - that I've not done anything, even if it means to nag or appear like a goody-two-shoes, when I've first found out that she's gone astray. Now that it has come to such a point, there is no turning back time to make the wrong right again. But thinking back, the only person who can help the situation is herself. The one making the decision is her, and the one who's in control is her. But still - I should have done more. :( Perhaps this wouldn't have happened if I did something to wake her up....

Oh well I guess it's no use raking up the past.

I can feel the distance between us is growing further and further... is this how it's going to end?

Labels: life, personal

All it took was a smile.

Friday, June 22, 2007

This evening I visited Tampines Regional Library in search for Haruki Marukami or Marilyn Todd books but to no avail. And I would keep hanging around the MUR and TOD sections just to check if anyone or the librarian has put in a new book there, I would go back there so many times I think the people who are sitting around those sections must be very irritated with my pacing around them. Urgh, Tampines library has a very limited variety of books :( so next time I'm going to try Bedok, Pasir Ris or Marine Parade. Maybe the National library too, haven't been there for a long time - but I think I'll be going there often when I start school at SMU since it's so nearby, heh.

Anyway, visiting TRL today was very nostalgic. Seeing so many teenagers studying/doing homework/checking handphones/listening to music at the study tables and flipping through their notes and practising mathematical sums really brought back memories of my mugging for the prelim exams and A'levels... Reminiscing the constant search of an empty table (preferably in the corner of the room); but in the end always having to share tables with teenage couples or uncles reading newspaper in the middle of the room -.- I can remember feeling their stares on me when I take out my maths or chem TYS and calculator/periodic table from my bag and trying very hard to ignore them and focus on my work. Not an easy feat. I remember feeling very frustrated over 3D trigo and tearing out foolscap after foolscap paper because I couldn't stand my untidy scribbling. Wah... damn nostalgic man. Today I kept glancing into the same room I always studied in and tried to imagine me as one of those students studying haha gosh. (: It seemed like just yesterday....... but it has been over 6 months ago o.O Just another reminder of how time FLIES.

And it's Friday already!!! Primary, secondary schools, polytechnics and JCs are reopening next Monday already....... lucky for me mine opens in August, ha.

Labels: life, personal

All it took was a smile.